| View
from the Bridge
by Rebecca Kershaw
Diary: 2nd January, 2.30pm – Emma Slade.
Another new client, another separation, yet more debt. What else
do I expect? It’s the New Year. The end of the season of goodwill,
time to throw out the old and move onto the new. I head downstairs,
fixing my caring smile in place as I enter reception, and greet
the woman waiting for me there.
‘Emma Slade?’
‘Yes?’ A slim figure gets quickly to her feet, pushes
short dark hair out of her eyes and fixes me with a worried gaze.
‘I’m sorry I’m a bit early. Only I didn’t
want to be late so I gave myself lots of time. And then the traffic
wasn’t so bad as I expected and …’
I gesture towards my office and she follows me, still explaining.
We face each other across my desk and I ask how I can help her.
A question I’ve already asked five times today. This is the
first time I’ve been answered with a smile, a gulp and a sudden
rush of tears. As she fumbles in her pink handbag, I pass across
a wad of tissues and look at Emma properly for the first time. She
must be in her late twenties and she’d be pretty if she didn’t
look so horribly worried and drawn. Her nails are bitten down further
than mine and her hair needs washing. I give her a few seconds to
mop up the worst of the tears, then we start again.
‘How can I help you, Emma?’ My voice is a bit softer
now. Probably a mistake because her eyes start to fill.
‘I don’t think you can. My friend told me to come. I
said it was too late but after the Humber Bridge she made me promise.’
She gives me a vague half smile.
‘The Humber Bridge?’
‘Yeah. You know it’s ever so pretty from the top. I’ve
always liked the Bridge. It looks just as if it grew out of the
river. But driving you don’t really see the view, not like
from the top. I didn’t think I’d notice the view. I
meant to drive there, leave the car in that carpark at the bottom,
you know?’
I don’t but I nod anyway, mystified.
‘Then I was going to walk to the middle, climb up and jump
off.’
‘You were going to jump off the Humber Bridge? When was this?
Have you spoken to your doctor? Are you still feeling suicidal?’
My hand creeps towards my phone, I have a mad woman here, she needs
help. I need help.
‘No, don’t worry! I’m fine now. Just before Christmas
it all got too much, the letters coming every day and John leaving
me to deal with it all. A swallow dive off the Humber Bridge seemed
like the easy way out. I thought it would make a bit of a splash.’
She meets my glance and I see the beginning of a dark twinkle in
her eyes.
‘I suppose that would have depended on whether the tide was
out.’ I counter. ‘Now who is John and what pushed you
to think about swimming in the Humber?’
‘I can’t actually swim. That was part of the plan.’
She says, a little sadly. ‘John always refused to let me have
lessons. He said it was a waste of money. Me and John. We’d
been having problems for a while. Quite a long time actually. If
I’m honest things haven’t been right since Marie was
born and she’s nearly three. I think he was jealous. Said
I didn’t have time for him any more. I think that’s
why he didn’t want to have another baby. He said we couldn’t
afford it but…’ She trails off.
‘So you and John?’ I ask. ‘Are you married?’
‘No. That was another thing. He never wanted to get married.
Said it was too expensive, he didn’t need a piece of paper
to prove how he felt. We argued about it. But then we argued about
everything. Especially money. He said if we hadn’t had Marie
we’d have been able to afford things, like all his friends
- holidays and a better car and new things for the house. I could
see what he meant so I agreed to get the first loan.’
‘You took out a loan together?’ I make careful notes.
‘No. I took out the loan. He said he wouldn’t get credit
with having the mortgage to pay. The bank kept writing to me offering
loans, even though I wasn’t working then. So I borrowed £5,000.
John was really happy. We booked a holiday in Majorca and we bought
a suite and a computer. Then he found a car he liked and we upped
the loan to £10,000. He was making the monthly payments so
the bank were happy.’ Emma smiles, looking out of the window
as if remembering happy times.
‘We’ve had five holidays in three years. But we shouldn’t
have gone on that last one, to Florida. We couldn’t afford
it. I’d put the loan up to £20,000. And John persuaded
me to apply for a credit card. It was my account but he had a card
as well, so he could top up the car with petrol and pay for meals
when we were out.’
‘So how much do you owe on the credit card?’
‘About £8,000.’ That was a lot of petrol and meals
out. ‘On the first card. I got to my limit on that one just
before we went to Florida, so I got another. I only owe £2,000
on that one. And then the store cards…’
By the end of half an hour I’ve established that Emma owes
£45,000 to a variety of banks, credit card companies and loan
sharks and that she hasn’t a hope of paying any of them back.
‘Especially now. I’ve left John. I couldn’t cope
with him any more. Always criticising me and blaming me for having
Marie and not working. And then he started saying I’d got
him into all this debt and he couldn’t afford the payments.
It all got too much, so I left.’
‘Taking all the debt with you.’
‘Yes.’ Emma looks bewildered. ‘I thought John
would have to keep on paying. But he says he doesn’t have
to pay a thing, it’s all in my name. When I rang the banks
they said he was right. I started getting all these final demands.
I’ve only got my income support and John won’t help
me. That’s why the Humber Bridge seemed like an option.’
We make another appointment for later in the week.
Diary: 5th January, 11.30am – Emma Slade
I greet Emma with a genuinely welcoming smile but she hardly notices.
She looks much worse. Her hair still hasn’t been washed and
she looks as though she became colourblind shortly before opening
her wardrobe. This time she has Marie with her, a stocky little
girl with blonde curls and her mother’s sparkly black eyes.
Only there isn’t much of a sparkle in Emma’s eyes today.
She slumps opposite me and looks so desperately sad that I’m
compelled to offer her a cup of tea. I never do that. She refuses
anyway and dumps a pile of papers in front of me. I flick though
them – a litany of spending and spiralling interest. We can
stave off the more reputable companies with offers of £5 a
month. Some of the others are real sharks. They’ll send the
bailiffs in without a second thought. Marie climbs on and off her
mum’s knee and I tentatively broach the subject of bankruptcy.
Only then does Emma show any signs of having heard me.
‘I’m not going bankrupt. I’d rather go to prison.
My mum would turn in her grave if she thought I was a bankrupt.’
She relapses into apathy and I don’t bother pointing out that
she might not have a choice.
‘There is one way out.’ She says, sitting up and looking
straight at me.
She means the Humber Bridge I think, and I start to say she must
think about Marie but she cuts me off.
‘Not that. I’m past that. John says he’ll help
me.’
‘Really. And do you think he means it?’
‘Oh yeah. He says he can remortgage the house and pay off
the whole lot. He’s had a payrise so I know he can do it.
But I’d have to go back to him, and I’d have to do everything
his way.’ A lost look steals across her face and I have to
tell her she can’t go back to a man she despises, who will
make her toe the line, hold the debt over her like a sword. But
I don’t think she listens, and as she leaves my office I have
a bad feeling. Views of the Humber Bridge swim before my eyes.
Diary: 12th March, 2.30pm – Emma Slade.
I’m already seated at my desk when Emma bursts in. She’s
wearing a smart blue jacket and jeans and her hair is shiny and
well cut.
‘I don’t really need an appointment. I just had to come
and tell you. I did it! I cleared all my debt. Every single penny
and I’ve cut up all my credit cards and I am never, ever going
to get in debt again.’
‘I’m very pleased to hear it. But how? I mean…
You didn’t go back did you? To John?’ I couldn’t
believe a reconciliation could have wrought this change in her but
then where did the money come from?
‘I had to go back. There was no other way. I went back and
I promised to do everything his way.’ Her eyes shone. ‘I
was the perfect partner – for exactly the length of time it
took him to get a remortgage, pay off all my debt, oh and buy me
a brand new car! A welcome back present.’
‘And then?’
‘And then I left him. With every penny of the debt he got
me into.’
‘How has he taken it?’
‘I’m not sure. I was thinking of giving him directions
to the Humber Bridge – there’s a great view from the
top.’
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